redactedSome months back, I witnessed something that made me cringe. I was having lunch with a friend who runs a restaurant when they received some unsettling news: one of their employees found them intimidating. What happened next was a masterclass in exactly how not to address the situation. I was reminded of this incident while reading Professor Leigh Thompson's “Blind Spots: Revealed.” My friend immediately turned to the supposedly intimidated employee (who happened to be assigned to serve our table) and asked, "You don't find me intimidating, do you? I mean, if you do, I really want to know." As the employee mumbled an uncomfortable "No… of course not," I fought the urge to slide under the table. The power dynamic, the public setting, the leading question — it was like a parent asking "You're having fun, right?" in front of other adults after forcing a child to perform at a family gathering – the power dynamic makes honest feedback impossible. When "I'm Open to Feedback" Closes Doors As I mentioned above, I was reminded of this cringe-worthy moment while reading Leigh Thompson’s piece "Blind Spots: Revealed," where she tackles the common leadership challenge of soliciting honest feedback. Thompson teaches at the Kellogg School of Management, my MBA alma mater. Though she wasn't teaching there during my time (bummer!), I've come to appreciate her work by following thought leaders from the school. Thompson points out that most leaders who struggle to get candid input are making the same fundamental mistake: they simply announce they "welcome feedback" and then wonder why their inbox isn't flooded with constructive criticism. It's like walking into a bar and announcing to the room, "I'm open to romantic conversations" and then standing alone, staring at the bar, death-gripping your beverage and hoping for someone to approach. The problem, as Thompson artfully explains, is that just declaring openness to feedback doesn't create the conditions for it to actually happen. She offers several practical alternatives, but what really struck me was how her advice connects to a broader human tendency. The "Let Me Know If You Need Anything" Syndrome Thompson's insights reminded me of another scenario where we often rely on empty offers instead of meaningful action: helping during times of hardship. When someone experiences a loss or difficulty, our default response is typically, "Please let me know if there's any way I can help." It sounds caring, but it actually transfers the burden of figuring out what help looks like to the person already overwhelmed. I experienced this contrast firsthand a few months ago when my daughter had knee surgery. While she recovered, some friends reached out with the standard "What can I do?" question. But others - the truly helpful ones - simply showed up. Like some version of magical elven support, food, comfortable blankets, and thoughtful gifts appeared at our doorstep. These people didn't ask what they could do. They just did what they felt would be helpful, and I was profoundly grateful. The Revelation: Show, Don't Tell The parallel between these situations reveals a fundamental truth about human connection: genuine engagement requires demonstration, not declaration. Thompson suggests that instead of announcing you welcome feedback, you should: 1. Get specific - Don't ask for general feedback; ask targeted questions about particular areas of your leadership or communication 2. Create a regular cadence - Don't wait for annual reviews; establish monthly check-ins focused on improvement 3. Go first - Share your own self-assessment and areas you're working on before asking for input 4. Express gratitude and follow up - Thank people sincerely and show how you've acted on their input It's the difference between saying "I'm listening" and actually proving that you hear people. From Leadership to Life What's fascinating is how these principles extend beyond the workplace. Whether you're a CEO trying to improve your leadership or a friend supporting someone through difficulty, the same rule applies: don't just tell people you're available. Show them you’re available through specific actions. Instead of telling someone to let you know if they need anything, drop off a meal with a note that says, "No response needed." Rather than asking if your team has feedback, share what you're already working on and ask for specific input on that journey. The most powerful lesson from Thompson's article isn't just about leadership feedback. It's about how we connect authentically in all areas of life. It's about moving beyond empty offers to meaningful engagement. Life improves dramatically when we demonstrate our commitment through action rather than simply asking how we can help. Whether showing up with a meal, offering specific guidance, or creating safe spaces for honest conversation by taking the first risk, initiative itself dissolves the barriers between us. Genuine connection happens in the doing, not the asking.