Grumpy Old Man #4: You and your time are much more valuable than money

Bottom line up front: Don't give up time with your family and don't be afraid to ask for help. Two separate but related topics.

Okay, it's been a few months since I've posted a "Grumpy Old Man." There's good reason for that and I'll get into it, but let's just say that I followed advice, stayed in school, did well, worked hard, and I still ended up digging ditches in South Carolina. I'll tell you about that in a minute.

Most searchers on here are relatively young and are focused on maximizing their income/net worth through ETA. I get it and appreciate the hustle! Side note: What do I mean by "relatively young?" I'm Gen X AF, I'll let you do the math while I go watch Heathers for the umpteenth time.

One thing I did not appreciate when I was younger was how much time actually cost. I spent a lot of time deployed and when I was home I spent a lot of time at work. In my civilian career I spent weeks on the road, hours at the office, missed holidays with family, etc. We all know the grind, but leaving my corporate career to get more control over my time was a great move and I hear that desire from a lot of you.

However, if you've traded one grind (corporate) for another grind (search) then don't lose sight of the goal. By all means hustle, but when important things come up you need to put the hustle down and focus on the important things. Your family - spouse, kids, parents, besties, etc. - are the important things. Money is good, family and friends are priceless.

So, how did I end up digging ditches in South Carolina?

I had a planned pause in my search/investment/grumpy old man activity in early August for a vacation flying float planes in Alaska while my wife took pictures of bears. Yeah, that was awesome.

A few days after we came home I got a call from my parents. My mom had been diagnosed with a serious cancer and the treatment plan was going to be very difficult. Instead of restarting my search activity, I loaded my truck and went to my parents in South Carolina where I spent a few weeks helping them get their "retirement" farm ready to be ignored for six to twelve months while they focused on her treatment. That involved painting, tractor maintenance, plumbing, and a few days digging ditches. It was hard, exhausting work and I had zero time or energy to do anything ETA-related. My pipeline dried up and, to be honest, I didn't give a $!#&. That time I got to spend with them was worth more than any money or ROI.

By the way, my dad needed the help on the farm but knowing him he wouldn't have asked for it. I didn't wait for the ask, I just told them I was coming to help. More on that in a second.

I'm about to do the same thing, going to spend two weeks while she has major surgery. The prognosis is good but the treatment is hard. I'm going to put all of my energy into that. If my deal flow dries up, I'll find more later. It's just money, focus on what's important!

Is that all about asking for help?

Nope, there's more and you need to pay attention.

I saw a note from a friend on Twitter yesterday where an outwardly successful person with a young family took their own life. It's heartbreaking and, unfortunately, I've seen this play too many times and lost too many friends.

We all have mental images of what "success" looks like. Every deal is successful, we retire early with mailbox money to keep us jet-setting for the rest of our lives, etc.

Life doesn't work that way. There are failures along the way, some are small (you lost money) and some are large (you went bust). If you've been successful your whole life and encounter that first major failure it can be a huge hit to your self esteem. Ask me how I know, I can go on for hours.

Some people then translate "I failed" to "I'm a failure." That gets them into a very dark place and they may not see a way out. Desperate people with desperate stress do desperate things.

If you get into that place - and SMB has a high risk of this - ask for help. Don't take it as a black mark against you that you needed help, ask for it. People want to help you, they would much rather see you ask for help than take desperate acts. Business can be resurrected, PGs can be worked off, careers can pivot. You are indispensable to your friends and family.

The flip side of this is something we in the military learned the hard way: look out for your buddies. They may need help and be afraid or ashamed to ask for it. They may tell you everything is going great but you can see the stress cracks. If you think they need help, jump in and help even if they don't ask. I'd much rather be seen as overly helpful than be seen at a funeral.

Last note: My DMs are always open, on here or on Twitter redacted If you are afraid to ask for help from someone you know and trust because you don't want the stigma, ping me. I'll always take that call.