BEST Inmail for investors/family offices in 300 words?

This is great, I like the structure. Going to A/B test a few versions and see how the response is!

Here are some simple guidelines you can use to craft a good message.

1. Short, professional, and eye-catching.

Investors and family offices get pitches CONSTANTLY. So you need to be not only eye catching, but also very quick to read and show how you'll conduct yourself should they respond.

2. Personalized

If they can tell you copy and pasted it then odds are they have very little desire or incentive to reply. You don't need to tell them how much you enjoyed their life story or a talk they gave. But simply saying something to the effect of, "I know you like to invest in X, Y, and Z industries so I thought..." can be very helpful. If you ask someone who only invests in medical companies they aren't going to be interested in investing in something wildly different. Likewise, if you're e-mailing the assistant of someone, be very aware of that and personalize your e-mail to fit that.

3. It's about them, not you

This is something to keep in mind throughout the whole message. What do they actually get out of investing in you? A high ROI? Support a cause they believe in? A chance to give back to their community in some way? A big exit plan already in mind? If you know, tell them right away! If you can't think of why they should invest in you, then why would they invest in you? You don't need to offer them the world, just something that will resonate with them that is TRUE.

4. It's a conversation!

Remember, you're just giving them the chance to have a conversation with you. You don't need to sell them on the first e-mail to invest in your company. You just need to get a reply to start talking with them.

Ideally you'll want to wrap all of this up in even less than 300 w ords - under 200 words, even!

Something as simple as,

"Dear, <Investor's Name>:

I'm <My Name>, the <Position> of <Company>, I know you like <Something that relates the investor to your company>, so I thought I'd e-mail you. My company is <Insert company's purpose>, and we're so excited because <Reason(s) your company is better/exciting>!

Of course we can't do this alone.. That's why we're raising funds from investors like yourself. Because of <Competitive advantage> we'll be able to <Insert big investor benefit>.

Would you like to have a call sometime to discuss in more detail?

Best regards,
<Your Name>"

Could absolutely work.

You can alter or change that however you want. This can be changed to fit someone seeking funds for a search fund or any other type of business. If you have other information you can immediately offer to them be sure to include that too.

This is just an example, and maybe not even the best according to the pros or those who have far more experience than myself! But I hope, regardless, it's of some use to you.